𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿 – this week: Insults – Anne Gair

Welcome all to 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿, a series of weekly reviews by Charles Connolly – an artist in his own right. Here, Charles delves into the greatest brand new singles brought to you by the best unsigned artists on our electrifying and eclectic set of 𝙉𝙚𝙬 𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 playlists.

𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙨 – 𝘼𝙣𝙣𝙚 𝙂𝙖𝙞𝙧

Charles causes offence…

In having seen the title of the song I’ll eventually get to, you’re probably assuming I’m going to write an amusing intro about insults…

“Oh shut up, ya fat pig. Don’t tell me what to write about. I’d like to see YOU write one of these things every week for more than five years. I bet your feeble brain couldn’t even work out which end of the pen to hold. And who’s to say you’d even choose a decent song to review? Going by YOUR music, you’d definitely have the worst taste ever. We’ve all heard about playing hard to get, but with YOUR music it seems as though you’re playing hard to LISTEN!! Great strategy. Don’t look at me like that, four-eyes. What, cat got your tongue? What do you mean, you’re waiting for a chance to speak? What do you mean, you’re waiting for me to calm down?? I AM F**KING CALM!! You just don’t have the balls to say anything because you know I’m right, and even if you tried, you know you couldn’t because you know you’re stupid. That’s right: thick as a plank. And just LOOK at you. Do you really think you look cool? Jesus, you look like you just woke up in a dumpster! What’s that, it’s casual? CASUAL??! I suppose if I wandered around in underpants and a faded t-shirt, that it’s COMPLETELY fine because I’m just dressing CASUALLY?! Don’t say another word. Your voice is worse than a cat with whooping cough! Oh, what are you talking about?! How can that be cruelty to animals?! I’m not actually administering whooping cough to a cat!! Although now that I’ve learnt you have TWO mangy feline creatures, I must say I’m pretty tempted. Cat people! Just the WORST! Why don’t you cough up a couple of furballs and go to Hell. I’VE got an ARTICLE to write!”

Well… THAT was unusual. A little freaky, and I’m sure not to be taken seriously. But, it passed the time in your dreary little lives. Nay: it passed the time in mine. Enough of the slagging. Let’s get on to something or other. Let’s see, now… A sense of humour… It’s something I like about British people. Actually, you get that in most places. The British tend to go further, though. It’s a scathing sense of humour. I think in many other areas of the world, it might be seen as unsavoury, in poor taste, uncomfortable, awkward or simply just not funny. But this little land comprising of four countries seems to hold scathing sarcasm dear to its heart. For example, take your average Englander and your average Scot, and they’ll be ripping each other to shreds, because famously, they don’t get on. The thing is, they do. It’s all for show. It’s all a big laugh. Remember Wilko Wilkes, the Yorkshirian rapper…? He and I have always had a history of Northerner vs Southerner. He punches, then I punch harder. Then he punches hardest. And then we roll around on the floor, giggling and chuckling until our tummies hurt. Why? Because we actually get on TREMENDOUSLY well. It’s all a yoke. We’re both good eggs at the end of it all. The trick is, not to take life too seriously, and to instead focus on what really matters. And aside from love, what really matters to we musical artists, is music. Now THAT, you should take seriously. But not to the extent that you end up sounding like Radiohead, and that you haven’t yet discovered your anti-frown muscles. Radiohead might be a brilliant band, but blimey, lighten up! Bloody Southerners.

Let’s go up North. Yep, keep going. Still, keep going. Yes, I know we’ve passed Yorkshire. A little further… And sssstop. Here we are, in Scotland. The only country to have a public holiday on January 1st AND 2nd. Because it takes two days to get over that almighty hangover. Hilarious, but I digress (it’s what I do best). I suppose by now you’ve probably had enough of this insulting bearded man, so let’s move on to the finer things in life. Namely, Anne Gair. My new favourite Scot. She joined the New Artist Spotlight just in January of this year. And her very first release was only in January of last year. Immediately alarm bells rang. Brand new artists can be fishy to me… Which I suppose will be increasingly ageist of me – unfair because we’ve all got to start at SOME point. I have to do a little more research when delving into artists that are pretty fresh on the scene. Is this their own work? Are they just in this “business” in order to grab a few pennies in royalties? Is it just a “dream” of theirs that they are simply not cut out for? Yes, it’s no secret that I take music seriously. I don’t mean this in any kind of snobby way, but it is unrealistic to think that “One day, I’ll be as big as Taylor Swift”. Yes, it’s possible. Anything’s possible. But… Ya know… The good thing is, chances are, you’re BETTER than Taylor Swift. And Anne Gair most certainly is. Like last week, I will be focussing on one particular track, but think of this as your introduction to a truly remarkable lady person.

How do you release your music? What is your strategy? Do you have a strategy? EYE most certainly don’t…! I think most artists simply release a lone song whenever they feel like it. Whenever inspiration hits, and whenever the rest of life allows. Fair dooze. Some artists have a strict schedule of one new song every 6 weeks. Or every 3 months. Or every 5 years. Some artists prefer to save up songs, then release all 4 as an EP. Some artists like to save up songs, then release all 12 as an LP. Some will produce an EP, but eke out each song, one by one, eventually culminating as a full EP release. The same might go for an LP. But Anne Gair is doing something a little different. There is a known strategy where the first single is just that, then the second release is that song, with track two being the first single. Then the third release has tracks two and three as singles two and one. Yes, I know, this is barely comprehensible in my clumsy way of writing. But the thing is, one ends up with a load of EPs, turning into demi-albums, turning into LPs, with just SO many multiples of every song. And all with no end in sight. I know one artist who has done this, and so far they have a 23 track album (one of 23 collections) amounting to something like an hour and a half…! And they’re still going! Anne Gair very much has an end in sight in this strategy, and so it all makes sense. Her debut album is already available to buy on CD (and limited edition vinyl) through her record label or at her gigs, but is also available to download from BandCamp. A SPLENDID idea, in terms of business. Ya know… MONEY!!! We all have to make a living. What better way than selling your own music!! Streaming doesn’t pay the bills. But she is aware that most people don’t buy music anymore, and so the full 9 track album WILL eventually be available on all platforms at some point this Spring – probably April!

Shall we briefly go over Anne’s previous releases…? In the words of Ella, ‘Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall in Love)’. We’ll start with ‘Kitchen Dancing’; a jaunty little number seeing a sideways Kate Bush, the Beautiful South and 80s Billy Joel in influence. ‘Blank Spaces’ takes things down a pace, without any obvious influences other than Joni Mitchell and perhaps Rufus Wainwright, it’s refreshingly original and a bit delicious. Let’s speak about Joni Mitchell for a sec. Having listened to the whole of Anne Gair’s entire discography, some might be tempted to draw comparisons with Joni Mitchell, but although there might be some subconscious influence (Anne is a MEGA fan), Anne’s music is very different to anything Joni Mitchell has released – except perhaps some overlap on Joni’s orchestral work from around 2002. Basically, any parallels are not running side by side. We move on to ‘Oh Jimmy’. It sounds like the sort of thing I can imagine Jools Holland jiving to – but NOT irritating, embarrassing or dull. Rocky blues. OWgan galore!! I saw ya: stop doing the Pulp Fiction shimmy. It don’t suit ya. ‘White Horses’ brings a beautiful edition of the slowest country folk, complete with a gorgeous trumpet solo. The penultimate track is also the title track of the forthcoming album: ‘Cigarettes and Smokescreens’. By this point, I am realising the true artistry of this artist. A really PROPER writer of the old way. Not meaning “traditional” writing, but the need for something new. That old craving for something original. Something that makes you stop what you’re doing and pay attention. Just listen to that third chord in the chorus. Inspired! We finish at the beginning – her first single; ‘Steal Away’. You see, these are all her singles in reverse order. A deliciously down-tuned acoustic guitar, complete with double bass, light brushes on the drums, and piano. It’s slow and sleepy. Meditative, even. And then a cello (no, it’s not a sax, I promise) segues us into a new key. Pure bliss!

I think it’s about time we got to the song at hand. ‘Insults’. Anne’s latest single, and as it just so happens, my favourite of hers so far. You can probably tell by now, that Gair’s music is sophisticated, but potentially none more so than ‘Insults’. Because it’s the kind of music that will appeal to the widest audience. There’s an understated (at first) dark, Bond-like quality. Everyone likes that kind of music, right? I also feel that while her voice has many sides, this song features a more upfront pop-like vocal performance. But it’s the arrangement that is sensual – probably only to me. Yes, music turns me on. It is said that “dynamics are dead” in music. NOT SO!! We start so delicately, with a smooth 6/8 drum beat played by Paul Jennings (yes, real drums – everything from Anne Gair is real instruments), and a lightly yet precisely plucked acoustic, played by Anne. The fretless bass snakes through with a delicious vibrato, only possible due to the lack of frets – all in an unusually high register for a bass. That’s Alan Thomson. And – if my ears don’t deceive me, there is a second bass guitar added at around 27 seconds for the low end. 0:46 is our initial glimpse of something heavier; the first force is underway. But by 0:54, all is clamped down again. Oh, dynamics, how I love thee!! Anne’s vocal gains another level of confident bite, as if she knows THIS is the take the world will hear. From 1:30, things REALLY start to heat up. The strings are tremolo-ing their heart out, as the electric guitars strap up (Anne playing). Those jazzy drums turn into full-on rock drums. I feel like ‘Insults’ is her ultimate anthem. At around 2:15, things settle down once more as filmicly strident strings and pizzicato strings (Maria Orlowska on cello, and Lesley Woodbrooks on violin; arranged by Maria Quinn – Anne’s pianist) form the main backing for Anne’s soulful voice. 3:05 brings the final minute of HUGE!!! This is pure magnificence!

Hats off to Andrea Gobbi for producing and mixing the album to perfection. I simply cannot believe the level of the best independent music nowadays. We have come a long way LONG way since the days of one-track dictaphone demos. You will be bowled over by the music of Anne Gair. This kind of music was always pretty rare in the independent music world, but it has never been more rare than now, despite it being more plausible (not to mention cheaper) than ever before. I am hoping this recent limitless ease of doing everything automatically brings a new wave of artists missing the way we used to do things. Ya know: the process being just SO much of it all. But at the heart of it all is the songs. And Anne Gair is a bloody brilliant writer. Listen to those words; those melodies; those chord changes; those arrangements!

Never mind those sticks and stones. Bones heal. But words…? They can have a lasting effect. So be nice and don’t take your Anne Gair out on others, you pathetic excuse for a human being.

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