Welcome all to 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿, a series of weekly reviews by Charles Connolly – an artist in his own right. Here, Charles delves into the greatest brand new singles brought to you by the best unsigned artists on our electrifying and eclectic set of 𝙉𝙚𝙬 𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 playlists.
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙔𝙤𝙪 (𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙮’𝙨 𝙎𝙤𝙣𝙜) – 𝙂𝙤 𝘽𝙞𝙧𝙘𝙝
Charles speaks of songs and daughters…
Children, eh? Kids! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. Or so I’m told. I personally can’t stand the blighters. Rotten little noisy things with snotty noses, always whining about this or about that. I mean, why would anyone WANT such a thing?? Actually CHOOSE to have one? Or even SEVERAL? I mean, are you people completely and utterly out of your mind?? Why would you DO that to yourself? To inflict such pain and misery on an otherwise relatively decent life… Speaking of life, you’ve spent oh so many years sorting out whatever life was supposed to be, and finally you’re on track. Things are clear. Things are good. You and partner. All working well, in both senses of the word. You’re comfortable, in terms of money, and , well, comfort. You feel good. You do not hate your job too much. There is a natural flow to the way of life. You’ve just got into the swing of things. Et voilà. Repeat until the cycle is complete. The thing is… There is no cycle. There is an end. Nothing to pass on. It all ends there. And THEN what have you got. A couple who spent their life doing life. Just their own life. Pah. What is that. “A discontented lazy rabble, instead of a thrifty working class…?” – sorry, I do like the occasional quote.
The thing is, no matter how perfect (or imperfect) life is, we suddenly get this urge (so I’m told) to make babies. I think the urge is more in the process of making than in the babies themselves, but what do I know. Well I think it all comes down to “it’s what we do”. We’re trained that way. It’s NATURE! Subconsciously, we want to continue the tradition of the dot dot dot family. Like kings and queens, only broke, unknown and sans tiara. But really – WHY?? Because aunts, uncles and cousins don’t shut up about it! Nudging you and poking you into having an even smaller amalgamated blob. Having a child is a very serious thing indeed, and it simply MUST be born out of love, and not to shut people up. “THERE! I’ve done it! You happy now?? Shut up, and fetch me a drink” – not exactly a show of kindness, love and passion… One should perhaps think about every aspect of the thing beforehand. Just to be sure. Everything does tend to point in the opposite direction… They’re noisy. They make mess. They smell. You have to CHANGE them. I certainly would change them if I could find the receipt. They’re hungry all the time. So much so, that you actually suspect them of having the munchies. Which inevitably later on, they will. Clothes. They outgrow them pretty much on a monthly basis. Schools. What schools. Which schools. Where. HOW much??? Want Want Want! And do you know what? They actually Get Get Get!!! They own us!!
I was once a child. And so were you. Aren’t you pleased to exist? Aren’t you ecstatic to be on God’s green earth? Well, okay. Maybe “ecstatic” is not quite the right word, these days. Neither is “green”. But you don’t wish you’d never been born, do you? Exactly! “What’s that? Boy at the back? Oh, you do?” – well, that’s a bit awkward. I haven’t much to say to that. Sorry, I suppose. Here, have a sweetie. “Oh CC, you cold, callous, heartless type! How can you joke about such things!!” – because I like to have a little fun, and you should learn how to do the same. Life is for smiling out loud. I mean, just look at the adorable cover of this week’s CC pick! SHE’s having a lovely time. But we’ll get to that shortly. Back to what we once were. You’ve got to think about who you’re bringing into the world. For, it is a “who” and not a what. Putin was once a child. Can’t imagine he had many friends. Now he just buys them. Little baby-faced Trump was once a child. Once greedy, always greedy. Hitler was once a child. Say no more. But so was Mary Poppins. Wait, Mary Poppins is fictional. Okay then, Marie Curie. She wasn’t fictional. She was once a child. And she did good things! And then died from radiation poisoning. But now we know not to ingest radiation. You live, you learn. Well: they live, WE learn. They, simply die. Anyway, much like most of what I write, that was off-topic. Back to Marie Curie though (nearly said Mary Poppins), it’s interesting that the girls tend to be good, and the boys tend to be bad… Right. Note to self. Only have daughters. But wait. That won’t work. Oh dear… Let me show you how a certain person might have changed my mind about the little blighters…
This week’s song SHOULD have been rather embarrassing, and even perhaps dismissed as something that should stay private, not to be released to the world. But, it was indeed released to the world. The scathing world of bastards that enjoy criticising music and crushing artists to their knees. A very daring thing then, to release a song about the artist’s innocent love for his own daughter. A song written 14 years ago… Please welcome Go Birch with their latest single, When I Hold You (Holly’s Song). Go Birch is essentially one man, by name, but not by nature. This one man is accompanied by a son (always) and daughter (occasionally). His own. They very much take part in the creation of his work. In fact, I will go further. This man really only creates and releases these songs for his song and dance. Sorry, for his son and daughter. So I will assume that they evidently don’t utterly hate his work and his creations. In the words of Sly and the Family Stone, “It’s a Family Affair”. What is more amazing, is that these two offspring are not tiny anymore. The youngest is his daughter, who is at university! And yes, that’s Holly. That sweet girl on the cover, now all grown up. Holly has always been the everything to this man. When she was little and cute and cheeky, to, well, forever. This man is so totally bowled over by his love for Holly, that he just HAD to tell the world. And so, most of you are surely by now wincing. Sentimental hogwash…? I think not!
Before I mention anything about the song itself, I must tell you something that may amaze those who have known of Britain’s own Go Birch for a while. Personally, I have always thought the name to be a strange choice. Always wondered what it meant. Is it like rooting for the roots of the silver tree we just can’t help but peel? – “Woohoo! Go, Birch!” – but no. When I first saw the name, I thought it was Go Bitch! I must admit, I was slightly let down when I realised the reality. You may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned the name of this man. This was not an error. Go, is short for Gordon. Gordon Birch suddenly sounds so… Norman! Sorry, Normal. Anyway. That was all I had for you. That was it. If it didn’t amaze or surprise you, then I’m sorry. I thought it was cool. Oh okay, okay. If that didn’t surprise you, how about THIS… All those Go Birch songs you know and love… Were you aware that it was not in fact Gordon singing them…? No, it was Mary Poppins all along! Okay, no it wasn’t. It was his son, Neil! Now SURELY I get points for THAT tidbit of info, no? Fine then. Back to the music.
Where was I? Oh yes. Sentimental hogwash. Or so it SHOULD be. The point is, it’s brilliant. The arrangement is excellent, the production is very good, the sound is nice. The song though is just CLASSIC!! And Neil TRULY does it justice on vocals, with such absurd maturity! What a voice. I can imagine Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel or Lionel Richie penning this very song, and it would have taken over the world, back in the early 80s. There’s even a touch of Barry Manilow there too – think Could It Be Magic, not Copacabana. That MELODY is just WONDROUS!! The thing is, it somehow goes deeper than what you might be expecting. It’s the words. They are heartbreaking. “And if I lost you, I’d be losing myself, and I’d be better off dead” – phew! And when you tie this with the gorgeous piano and strings, it ends up as something really rather special. Something forever. You simply will not believe this isn’t a cover of a classic, and that this didn’t exist before. So. The whole thing got me thinking. Maybe children aren’t so bad after all. People seem transformed by them. Obsessed, yes, but glowing! And then when I think that in my old age, I could be playing music with them and singing with them, and boring them about The Beatles… Suddenly everything changes, and maybe I was wrong about being put off by the blighters. Of course, there are the teenage years to get through, but hopefully by then, they’ll be fully immersed in virtual reality, I’ll be so fully immersed in dementia, that I simply won’t notice. Besides, I’m half demented already. What a thought though, that my own son or daughter could be singing my old songs. But then I might wish I hadn’t written lines like “Pina colada colada colada oh-“… Final words on When I Hold You; despite this being a song about Holly, Gordon’s daughter, this really is one of the most romantic songs I have heard in such a long time. It has that timeless melody that will stay with you for a lifetime. I dare you not to cry when listening. Sheer beauty!
Some of you possibly expected me to finish with a great big surprise punchline that I’m having a baby. Well I’m not. I don’t have a womb. Oh but those tiny little hands… Maybe one day I will have an amalgamated blob of my own that I can play guitar at. I WILL however remember to keep the receipt.
Listen to 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙔𝙤𝙪 (𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙮’𝙨 𝙎𝙤𝙣𝙜) on the 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿 Spotify playlist HERE!
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