Welcome all to 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗹𝗹𝘆’𝘀 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿, a series of weekly reviews by Charles Connolly – an artist in his own right. Here, Charles delves into the greatest brand new singles brought to you by the best unsigned artists on our electrifying and eclectic set of 𝙉𝙚𝙬 𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 playlists.
𝙑𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣 – 𝘽𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙨𝙖𝙡𝙖
Charles rises above…
Something came to my attention a few weeks back. I am not universally loved. I know! Quite impossible to believe, but there you have it. You can close your mouth now; the shock has passed. But let’s delve. Those of you who weren’t shocked by this news are probably already swearing and shouting at the screen that my arrogance knows no bounds: “He actually thought everyone LOVED him!! Twat”. And these are the very people who seemingly very much misunderstand me. It’s a joke (laugh with me?)! But they wish not to understand me, of course, because then they couldn’t continue enjoying the private maligning of moi. It seems that some people believe I am against them. That I am above them in some way or other. Just because I was educated somewhat decently and I’m able to express myself with words, I am seen to some as being some sort of snobby toff. Or toffy snob, but that sounds like a sweet Yorkshire treat from the 1950s: a Toffee Snob, probably nicknamed ‘a Londoner’.
Which brings me on to another point: London. Or more specifically, me being a Londoner. Apparently elsewhere in the world, London has this “ooh” factor. As in “I’m from London” – “Ooh, London!”. Which somehow labels me. These days people seem to take it one of three ways: awe, hatred, pity. For me, London is simply my home. I don’t think of it as this great big amazing city that the world loves, despises, or on which it has strong opinions. “Why couldn’t he of just said ‘Has strong opinions on’?? Twat”. The same reason I wouldn’t say “Why couldn’t he of…” – it’s simply technically incorrect, despite it being understood. Is it right that I be quietly scolded for using correct language? Should one be bashed for speaking well? “Ooh! ’Should one be bashed’, should ONE be bashed! One is the Queen of England, isn’t one! Just say ‘YOU’, like any normal person!! Twat”… Okay, so imagine if I had said “Should YOU be bashed for speaking well?”… “Me? ME?? You saying I speak good?? You wanna bash me, huh? Is that a threat? This is slander!!” – You see, it has the potential to start a mini war…! And what if I had said “I’ instead of “One”? Well, the “One” kinda makes it rhetorical. I wasn’t actually asking you, but more just giving you something to think about. “Oh, bringer of wisdom, what more can I learn from you, oh wise one??” – Oh, bugger off. “So rude! Such foul language!” – ugh. If I were to compliment you, you’d say I was being sarcastic or passive aggressive. There’s no winning with your sort. “Ah right, so you DO wanna win!! KNEW IT!! And I’m not a ‘sort’, thank you very much” – Sigh. Case closed. I will always have haters. Yes: EYE, this time.
There are several reasons I might choose not to review an artist’s work. If the artist is rude to me or others (“he started it” – no, I didn’t) and/or shows zero support for any other artist but themself (“look, I’m so busy!!” – aren’t we all), they’re unlikely to appear in my Corner. But usually it’s about the music itself. If I don’t think the music is up to muster, it won’t appear here. I feel it is important to keep up my high standards (“Ooh! High standards! Get me, I’m the King and I won’t eat anything but caviar. Twat” – ignore and continue. Another major (and simple) reason I won’t review an artist is if their work is simply not their work, and instead the work of a robot. I will never knowingly review a piece of music that isn’t made by humans. I am sure the day will come when I am duped. “This idiot goes on and on about A.I.. It’s the music equivalent of a drum machine, get over it”… For the (probably not) last time, no, it is not. So you see, I am sometimes (not often in public) seen as the bad guy. The nasty one to be avoided at all costs. The villain.
So why did I potentially go all controversial “on yo ass”? Because this week’s song was produced and mixed by me, and I didn’t want any possible kickback from this. I wanted to show you all that I am aware how it might seem to some, but to let you know that this is not my reason for choosing it. Quite the opposite, in fact. I contemplated hiding the fact that I produced it, but then I thought “What are you DOING??” (in true Lois-from-Malcolm-in-the-Middle style)!! I need people to see that I simply pick my fave songs, or what I think are the best. The artist wrote and recorded a great song, and I just happened to produce it. Why should the artist forfeit a review because they picked me as a producer? That just wouldn’t be fair now, would it… Let’s talk about that artist. She’s built ‘Architecture’. She’s far from ‘Irrelevant’. Her baby cries when she puts the ‘Lights Out’. That’s right folks, she’s Bernice Marsala! And she’s got a brand new tune for sale! I say “for sale”… We all know music is free these days. Please welcome the award-winning Nashville queen with her latest single, ‘Villain’!
Bernice may be known for her softer, more poppy side, from country to ballad, but surprisingly this isn’t actually the kind of music she grew up listening to. She’s a rocker. She likes distorted guitars and slamming drums. She married a drummer, for God’s sake! In fact her husband apparently has a gorgeous drum kit, but it’s too big to have it set up in the house. At least I assume it’s a space thing; it’s not often that a wife complains that her husband’s kit is too big. I digress. The thing is, Bernice wanted to make something more akin to what she’d actually prefer to listen to. She told me that she always thought it was weird that ballads came naturally to her, despite her rocky background. Of course, she’s never been a stranger to grit and power within those previous singles, but it was never really out and out ROCK. But then again, neither is this. She always likes to mix things up a bit. With a fresh photoshoot, Bernice is back with a cool new look and a cool new song.
The guitars are big and proud (that’s Bernice on guitar). They’re distorted and wringing wet, as the bass confidently echoes the same rhythm to act as foundation. Meanwhile, the drums are slamming with swagger and bravado. But despite all this raw power, we only get less than 10 seconds of it! Immediately, all is cut down to a minimal electric piano (of sorts) and a floor tom holding the pulse. This is where Bernice’s mesmerising voice comes in. And it is THIS that I love. Bernice has a rare ability to make softness have weight and thrust. It’s not wispy in the slightest, but it is undoubtedly caressing. There is such confidence and experience that it somehow suggests that she is a mother. She may be warm and loving, but “gal got shit to do, y’know”. And she is indeed the mother of two: Aria and Coda. Can ya tell she’s a musician? It’s rumoured that her next is to be named Clef. Treble Clef. But like I say: a rumour. Anyway. Her voice. It’s cool, it’s reassuring and it’s versatile. Another few seconds later and the guitars are back, if much softer. They’re building towards the choppy pre-chorus, which is tight with a baggy wallop. CHORUS TIME!! All buttons in (a geeky mixing gag)! Bernice sings “You did this to yourself, you’ll get no mercy from me”. More about that later. What’s that I hear knocking away in the frontal background? Could it be? It is! A cowbell!! No cowbell jokes. Verse 2 adds more mystery and depth with some sort of plucked Eastern sounding thing (“He said HE produced this?? Doesn’t even know about his own production! Tw-” – enough. It was a while ago. So the plucked Eastern sounding thing is fast followed by a microwave. You’ll understand when you hear it. Chorus 2 gives us more of that rich “hell yeah” attitude, but with added depth from the piano. Typically though, my favourite bit is the bridge. I say typically, because it’s the only bit that isn’t rocky. The bridge comes now. The drums are sucked down into a solitary kick drum, pulsing like bubbles. The piano turns virtuosic and grand, backed by subtle hazy synth pads. The acoustic lightly keeps the rhythm as the cello starts to join in. The piano intensifies with closed eyes. And all the while, Bernice sings with a surprising amount of gusto for such a section. It’s like a yearning plea, and perfectly suits…
The lyrics. There seems to be a theme with some of Bernice’s songs: venting anger and frustration caused by the ex. Or at least that’s how EYE see it. I do HOPE it’s not about the husband, or it’s goodbye kit and caboodle! In ‘Villain’, Bernice ain’t it. The guy’s the villain. Ain’t it always the way with men? No, but we’ll move on. It’s about a hypocritical man who’s so full of himself, he becomes aggressive and hateful of everyone and everything around. Bernice says it was entirely his own fault and his own doing; and from what I can tell, she’s right. He just couldn’t take a step back and realise his own behaviour. He treats THEM with disdain, yet HE’S the one with the problem. I’m sure this will seem familiar to many of you in one way or another. Bernice basically says “You’re on yer own, son”. This is something Bernice does just SO well. Getting us on her side (not that we ever take sides…), and hearing logic and sense spouted so simply and strangely positively. There’s this “You go girl” attitude. This isn’t revenge of any kind. She is just standing up for herself and being honest. In pointing out what he’s done wrong, she sees his “are you insane??” expression, and says, “This Is Me Walking Out”.
It’s actually really quite serious stuff, but it’s wrapped in such a corker of a tune, that one could easily miss its lyrical intensity. Boy, can Bernice write a song.
Yours sincerely,
Toffee Snob
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