Welcome all to đđŒđ»đ»đŒđčđčđâđ đđŒđżđ»đČđż, a series of weekly reviews by Charles Connolly – an artist in his own right. Here, Charles delves into the greatest brand new singles brought to you by the best unsigned artists on our electrifying and eclectic set of đđđŹ đŒđ§đ©đđšđ© đđ„đ€đ©đĄđđđđ© playlists.
đ đđ đźđĄđĄ & đđźđđ – đđđđđź đđđđ
Charles is two in oneâŠ
Time for another lovely review of a pretty little ditty. For that is what CC likes to listen to. Perfect, pleasing pop. Rounded, retro relevance. Sombre, soothing strings. Thatâs my peach in a nutshell, no? Well, I do like all these things, it canât be denied. But my musical tastes are rather more varied than you probably realise. The difficulty arises in quality and in mood. Some other genres I rarely talk about here are often not of the highest quality, when they simply NEED to be. But the main reason is mood. I am rarely in the mood for a lot of genres. Take electronic music, for example. These days it is very seldom that I feel the pang for electronic music. But when I get that craving, there is nothing like sticking on a bit of Disclosure to sate my needs. Nothing else wires my brain the way it wishes to be wired. Iâd say it gets me moving, but itâs more of an embarrassing head jolt if someoneâs around. And if no oneâs around, itâs like my whole body is a mercury spasm. Floppy erraticism. Like David Byrne on opium. Probably. I have reviewed a few electronic pieces over the years, but itâs not that common because Iâm rarely in the mood, or itâs not been made that well. The big shame about my musical taste is that I will probably never review hard rock or metalâŠ
âLIKE HELL YOU WONâT!!!!â
Sorry, I donât know what happened there. I was just writing, as I do, and some massive, deep, dark voice came from somewhere in the room. But Iâm the only one here. Maybe it came from outside.
âIâm not outsideâ
Waah, okay, you know that feeling when you feel like youâre freaking out? Well, thatâs what Iâm feeling right now. Trying to stay calm, but, ya know, Iâve explained the situationâŠ
âYou always explain the situation. Always boring people into the ground with your life. What you bought at the shop. Where you went on holiday. What you ate for lunchâ
Am I actually hearing all this, or is it just in my head? Either way, Itâs not good. The voice mentioned lunch. Maybe thatâs it. Maybe I need to eat. Iâve heard that lack of food can lead to auditory hallucinations. A light salad should do the trick; nothing too heavy.
âA light salad??! Eat a burger! Eat spare ribs! Eat a whole chicken!â
Right, lunch. This is getting too much. Salad time.
âAnd youâre actually writing this crap in your article?? No one cares about your damned salad!â
Shut up shut up shut UP!! I need to eat. Okay. Salad made. There it is in front of me. A nice big bowl of⊠SPARE RIBS? What the-!!
âI wonât tell you whose they wereâ
Christ, whoever you are, if youâre gonna be around, would you not be so sick and twisted?!
âOh, you know who I amââŠ
I ate one rib, felt sick and went for a walk. I assumed it was air I needed. At least itâs a sunny day. Besides, if this someone is at home, it wonât be with me when Iâm outside. Itâs probably some artist Iâve never reviewed playing a prank on me somehow. Iâve probably been hacked and itâs some sort of HAL (A.I.) link-up with all my speakers. And because Iâm writing all this, itâs probably able to read my thoughts. Yeah, that must be it. And so far, all is fine. Rather lovely day, actually. Oop, thereâs an old man attempting to cross the street; must help him. I hold on to one of his arms and walk him slowly across the street. He trusts me, which is kinda lovely. My fingers slip underneath his elbow and I lose my grip. He falls with a doddery slump just as a car is coming our way. I quickly drag him to safety just in the nick of time, scraping up the back of his jacket. God, that was close.
âJob well done, my man!â
No!! Itâs back!
âDunno why you dragged him to the curb though. That finger slip was a stroke of genius!â
What do you mean?! It was a bloody accident! Meanwhile, the old man is staring at me, thinking Iâm insane. I ask if he can hear this voice, but he hobbles away as if I am some sort of devil.
âBut you areâ
Hm??
âYou ARE some sort of devil. Donât you get it yet? I am he as you are he, as you are me and we are all togetherâ
WHAT?! I am the walrus?
âNo, no, my friend. You are the devil. Itâs all you. I am the darker side of you. Which isnât very hard since youâre so bloody light, but I thought Iâd lay it on heavy just for kicksâ
Iâm going home. I need to lie down.
Well⊠Since CCâs lying down, I might as well write this review. It ainât gonhâ write itself! Good day to you! Or, as I prefer to say: Bad day to you. Iâm DD; which stands for Devious Devil. I used to be Dancing Dave, but it didnât really suit my persona. Now⊠Letâs see what we have in the New Artist Spotlight playlists⊠Soft pop – crap. Synthwave – rubbish. Acoustic junk – dull as salad. Pansy folk – duller than salad. Electronic? What do I look like, a teenage robot?! Oh God, enough of this 70s retro stuff; itâs 2025!! HAL (A.I.) bollocks – even devils have their limits. Ah, here we go. Some PROPER music. God, thereâs LOADS of good stuff here that CC would NEVER review. Surely itâs finally time for some heavy rock!! I mean, just listen to the latest from bigbaldben. Definitely one of his best. And what about 12 Below? This is amazing! The thing is, being Dancing- sorry: Devious Devil, I need to sink my nails into something with a fast raging fire. Is there anything here? Oh yuck, more auto HAL junk. Will it ever stop? Ahhh. I think Iâve found it. I think I have the very thing to – what was it CC said earlier? Sate my needs? Yeah. That. Look, heâs good at words, Iâll give him that. But he would never review this. FAR too heavy for his pathetic, weak sensibility. I donât do sensibility. I want hard, raw, gut-wrenching slam. I donât want to “feel the air tickle my earlobes” (gay). I want to be blown to the back of the room by power and energy. I want to feel the surge of blood as my veins are close to bursting! So, thank God for Teddy Head and his latest single, âJekyll & Hydeâ. What a crazy dude!!!
CC once wrote about Teddy Head. And you know what his intro was? He wrote an entire episode of Cheers! Literally made up a non-existent episode that never existed. What a berk. I mean, what an absolutely stupid thing to do. If youâre remotely interested in CCâs stupidity, you can read it HERE. Besides, the song (âLilithâ) was far too soft for me. I wouldnât have chosen that one to review. THIS one, however, is so completely up my dark and dingy alley. âJekyll & Hydeâ is the epitome of heavy while still having notes and chords and melodies. Hey, I may be devious, but I still like a good song! What first bashed me around the head, though, was the deep distorted guitar in the right ear. Itâs deep, low, fast, gritty, and devilish, and it tells us somethingâs coming in the left ear. It balances that chilling riff. Did you hear his last single, âOut Of Control!â? If youâre a NAS member, the answerâs probably âyesâ, because itâs been in the NAS Charts ever since it was released. What stood out to you from that track, specifically? Without a doubt, your answer will be the drums. Theyâre just staggering. It was far too much, yet felt right. The thing is, I did feel it was the beginning of a new era for Daniel Blackmore (Teddy Head). New beginnings are always difficult to get right, but you always get better with more experience. Thatâs what Daniel has done here. He has taken the heaviness of âOut Of Control!â And refined it. With âJekyll & Hydeâ, everything is more locked in place and tighter, the levels are more balanced, the guitars punch harder, and the vocals are brought up in the mix. Yet the drums are just as powerful and brilliant. Daniel is from Grimsby, in the North of England. Yet another reason I like this man: his town contains the word Grim. But would you believe he wasnât American?? I mean, he has that THANG! You know what I mean. Itâs like modern punk vocals in the chorus, but with the attitude of a tribe of Tyrannosaurus rex! BUT!! It ainât all his usual voice hyped up. Thereâs the actual devil there as well. I mean, EYE wasnât on the record, so it must have been some other devil. However, itâs actually him singing those ogre-like roars. Much like the rest of the track, itâs ALL HIM!! Such a sublimely talented bastard.
So, letâs delve into exactly WHAT makes it so good. I mentioned the guitars before, but to âmentionâ them is to say that Hitler was not a very nice man. A mega understatement. Itâs not enough. I cannot imagine how many guitar layers are in this track. I also think Daniel might also use guitars for sound effects in the same way that people use synths for sounds as well as notes. But with all these guitars going on, there is no hint of Oasis-like smear. Every single note is defined and hits like the short stab of a bayonet. That intro is only the beginning. Then comes the thrilling section that is so bloody rare: an instrumental pre-verse. Yep, thereâs an intro, then a pre-verse, THEN the actual verse. But before I get to the verse, letâs talk about the biggest, fattest, hardest hitting drums you may ever have laid ears on. They start just 7 seconds in, as the intro continues up to 20 seconds. The double kick drum pedal is sweating but showing no signs of wear. The force is huge as itâs carpeted by the deep, grungy, shag-piled bass. 21 seconds brings us the fabulous energy that is the pre-verse, which lasts just over 10 seconds. Both the intro and pre-verse are in double time, bringing SUCH crazy vigour and frenetic vibrancy. Finally, at the standard-time verse, we get to hear Danielâs confident vocals ATOP the ferocious instruments. This ainât easy, because the music is just SO big, that there really shouldnât be any space for vocals. Yet he makes sure there is not only space for it, but that it sits right on top. Excellent mixing! 0:55 brings such a POP chorus, but I still love it because itâs not nursery rhyme candy pop for children. Itâs music to throw beer to! Itâs upbeat in a minor key. My kind of upbeat! Not like that weedy CC. He wants minor to be sad, and major to be happy. Dull, dull, dull. 1:19 brings another stunning double-time pre-verse, followed by verse two at 1:24. Same again? THINK again! Remember that devil voice of which I spoke? He roars through like an angry sentinel, as his fiercely foul breath withers any unsuspecting weaker ego. Yes, thereâs plenty of sharp teeth and thick spittle like stalactites. Itâs where I feel most comfortable. The build of this song is immense! Chorus two: thankfully no changes – repetition is still important in ALL songs. The next double-time instrumental extravaganza is not a pre-verse, but a pre-bridge – itâs so original to have these little sections in between bigger sections – sometimes the journey is just as good as the destination. The bridge at 2:17⊠WOAH!! Triplet double kick drums!!! The whole thing goes into the heaviest shuffle groove of 6/8 I have ever heard. It has to be heard to be believed. And finally, we finish with a chorus and an outro. Quite frankly, I canât imagine this style of music sounding better than this. It is the absolute pinnacle of heavy rock mixing. Have you ever tried mixing rock? You end up with sand. Final words on âJekyll & Hydeâ? I do believe this is Teddy Headâs very best song so far. Utterly perfect.
My job is done. DD over and out. Catch ya on the OTHER side, losers. Donât do anything EYE wouldnât do.
Damn! The review! Iâve been asleep this whole time, but I still feel utterly exhausted. Gotta write it. Wait, why are my lips covered in BBQ sauce? I only ate one spare rib. Look at the bowl, itâs still⊠empty⊠And my review is⊠full⊠Did IâŠ? Could I haveâŠ? God. It WAS me. Ah, to Hell with it, Iâll light a cigarette. CC doesnât even smoke anymore.
My job is DD: Double Done. But just in case, I’ll still be there, Hyding.
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